Rambling about myself writing about myself

I've made mention on here that I don't particularly like writing about myself, and the memoir wasn't much of an exception.  While finally writing about the experiences I described was a great way to purge all of those old emotions, I still didn't really enjoy it.  It was more like a need than anything, and that may or may not come across in the final project.
Talking about what I like about my memoir, I can't say that there's anything that stands out.  I like to think I just did a solid job on it, though.  If anything, I think that talking about my dad dying, The Thermos Incident, and my time in the outpatient program helped the most with me purging those emotions further.  Talking about my latest episode and how I snapped out of it was somewhat less helpful, because the conflict and resolution of it was all internal, whereas the other two had more extraneous factors that I think led to a need for further purging.  If that makes any sense.
I think during a revision I might add more detail and possibly consult my mom for clarification of facts, but that's about it for straight-up revision.  I should note that if I could have an infinite amount of time, I would have done a video combining narration, talking head footage of me, and footage from Batman Begins and Gurren Lagann, because to me, the one thing I tried to convey to outsiders is just how much of an impact media can have on us and the way we see the world, and for Gurren Lagann especially, a text description doesn't do it justice.

"I wanna be the very best! Like no one ever was!"

Alrighty, it's late, I have to get up at 6AM, and I'm fucking pumped because that damn song from this post's title is stuck in my head. Let's do this.

Rose seems to be influenced heavily by his love of literature, which came about only after a teacher had presented the material in a way that interested him, which shows a direct relationship between his education and the development of his identity.  Similarly, while he initially perceived himself as not particularly intellectual, that was due to how his education presented itself.  When his education became more enjoyable, he started to embrace his intellectual side.

The term "cues" refers to behaviors that we see as children which clue us in to how to behave normally.  A good example would be the way kids' speech patterns have tendency to mimic their parents'.  I'd imagine that how this affects the development of identity is self-evident; that the more exposure we get to a particular cue, the more likely we are to adopt it for ourselves.  At least early in life.

Dese ppl yoose BIG wurds

Okay, so first off, I think it's pretty clear that the reason people reject the idea that transgenderism is a "disorder" is because that implication, at least in their minds, reeks of herd mentality and individual oppression.  Which, to a degree, it does.  While the approach most psychologists have is noble in terms of the long-term, it represses the child's current happiness and peace of mind.  The whole thing is a slippery slope, and I honestly don't know if I can make a solid conclusion.
As for Simm's decision, on an objective level, it's pretty much impossible to judge her decision until Brandon/Bridget grows up, but on an emotional level, I applaud her intentions and genuinely want things to work out for both her and Brandon/Bridget.  Going off of the "storyteller" language Rosin used, I'd say she has a similar outlook, but that may just be my own interpretation. 
Also, I'd like to say that their whole story would make an amazing movie.  But that's just the filmmaker in me.  Again.

Overall, I thought this was really fascinating.  It's refreshing to see two sides to an argument like this that doesn't just amount to the anti-side being all "IT'S NAWT WHAT GAWD INTENDEMATED!" And it actually made me think about my stance on the issue for a bit.  I still feel that switching genders is ultimately the decision of the individual who has those feelings, and that the negative side affects of going through with it ultimately stem from society, as opposed to anything biological or mentally internal, but I gotta give props to some of those psychologists on the other side of the coin for putting up a good argument.  Also, as for the approach to determining weather or not a child actually is transgender, it sounds like the Netherlands have it right.  I honestly think their approach makes the most sense and looks to have the most concrete results so far, but ultimately, I think it's going to be a while before a method is nailed down perfectly.  That's just the nature of this type of science.

I WAS RIGHT YOU FOOLS! I WAS RIGHT! YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME!! YOU MANIACS, YOU BLEW IT UP, YOU BLEW IT ALL TO HELL!!! I TRIED TO WARN YOU!!!

So, this essay basically describes, in explicit detail, all the various psychological factors which shape our gender identity.  It presents these factors in a way that is very scientific, even-handed, and kind of hard to argue with, leaving it all to interpretation of what it means for society as a whole. 

Early on, the author talks about how children are so easily impressed upon with gener roles due to outside influences, and how pretty much everything they're exposed to shapes their perception of what is normal. 

What was my VR project about?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! IN YOUR FACES!!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! PRAISE ME! PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, ahem. 

What I mean to say is that this provides a great deal of scientific evidence to support my theory about how the media children consume has a direct impact on how they perceive gender roles.  While I don't particularly care for the very technical way in which it was written, it lays out its case in a fairly compelling way, and more importantly, makes me sound smart.  Now there's a true feat of science. 

Another thing I found interesting was the idea that it isn't until age 7 that children's ideas about gender are fully developed, this makes me wonder what would happen if a child was raised in a totally gender-neutral environment.  I'm sure this is something scientists are also chomping at the bit to know, but is held off from being done due to ethical implications. 

Aside from that, all I can say is that it was pretty good.

My body's boring-ass life

I'm fat.  Not disgustingly so, but enough for people to notice.  It fluctuates, but that little belly is always there.  It's weird, sometimes I think it looks like a hideous growth, and other times it blends into the contours of my body perfectly, and it looks just fine.  To me at least, I've never put much stock in what other people say about it, but then again, not many people seem to want to comment on it.  It seems to be a case of "Yeah, he's kinda chubby.  Moving on."  It wasn't always like that, though.  When I was really young, I was actually quite skinny.  It's hard to tell if the fatness was spawned by the shoving down of emotions from my dad's death, or if it was just my years of eating nothing but crap catching up.  Either way, I'm working on it, but God only knows how long it's gonna take.
While people rarely comment on my weight, my mom feels a constant need to comment on my hygiene.  I didn't wash my hair good enough, my teeth look yellow, I missed a spot when I shaved, did I trim my nails yet?  The hair one comes up the most, even though my mom is the only one who ever comments about it.  Period.

My ankles are fucked up.  They really are.  I don't remember when it started, but I'll have these bouts of one of them aching like crazy or having some other bizarre pain-related-issue-deal.  It always comes up without warning, and I'll never have done anything to it, but then, it goes away as quickly as it came, and I move on.  I've chalked it up to a personal anomaly a log time ago and haven't though much of it since.

Can you tell I'm not really into writing about my body?  I barely like writing about my mind.  I really don't know what else to say.  I'm nearsighted with astigmatism?  The glasses give me a lot more of a "nerd" look, which is shockingly accurate?  Fuck, man I don't know.  My body is boring. 

There Were No Tears

I can't say I remember the entirety of that day, but I know that when it happened, I was outside.  My friend Zack was over, and we were playing on the blacktop by the garage.  What we were doing, I cannot, for the life of me, recall.  But what I do remember is that right in the middle of whatever the hell we were doing, Zack's mom told me about the call she'd just gotten.  My dad had a heart attack.  I didn't know what that meant at the time, but it didn't sound good.  Zack made a snarky comment about my dad dying, but his mom reminded him of an aunt of theirs who had a heart attack and lived.  I felt a lot better, and we went back to whatever the hell it was we were doing.  Then, whatever the hell it was we were doing was stopped again, this time by my mom pulling up in the driveway.  I ran up to her and asked about dad.  I'm not sure if there was any lead-in, but I remember the words "he died."  No tap-dancing around it. 

There were no tears.  I had every reason to cry right then, with no shame in it, and I almost felt like it, but no tears came out.  I just sulked.  And that's all I did for the longest time about it.  There was the occasional misty eye, but never bawling, never like what my mom or sister did.  At his wake, no tears.  His funeral, no tears.  At every cemetery visit for the next 5-odd years, no tears.  Just sulking.  Stoic solemness. Whatever you want to call it. 

It was not long before, at my aunt's house, my mom (or was it my Aunt Becky?) read to us The Fall of Freddie the Leaf.  What the story was, how it was resolved, I can't say.  All I know is that it made me feel better about the whole thing.  And, however shitty it sounds, that was the end of it.  For a while, at least.